5 tips to being happy for the long haul
“I want a divorce, I can’t handle feeling like a single mother all the time even tho I’m married.” my wife screamed into her cell phone at me. Growing up as a third generation trucker I knew how she felt, I was reminded all to often by my mother who would cry herself to sleep sometimes. So I took a short haul gig and we worked on our relationship.
Like all good things that position came to a end, I had to hit the road to make money for my family. Again our relationship fell apart, I looked for therapy but no one would take us as clients due to my work schedule. Now in a situation where my choices are quit my job, lose my home, not provide for my kids and both my parents who were hospitalized or hit the road and take a chance of losing my wife. I decided to keep trucking for my family.
I love trucking but I can’t lie to you, the “trucking life style” is not always great. I lost my wife, almost lost my mother to cancer and watched my dad suffer from diabetes, shamed that he couldn’t provide for his family. At a time when most people would spend more time with their family, I had to run my tail off to take care of mine. It is not easy knowing that no matter what decision you make your hurting someone. That those 3 weeks your on the road earning money to feed and shelter your family may be their last days.
I remember calling my dad from my mothers hospital bed and saying “I’m hate trucking I want to —-” he said “the trucking way of life is a huge sacrifice, you give up your personal life so others can have theirs.” That is a great way to explain over the road trucking.
I know that I’m not alone here, many drivers are suffering from situations like this or maybe even worse. I didn’t want to unload my feelings on my ill family or make the situations worse. I felt trapped, with no one to talk to, I kept myself busy as not to deal with my problems. Then when I looked for professional help my schedule was not “regular” so they couldn’t talk to me.
I turned to my creative outlet by making a private video for my ex wife (kinda cheesy). I later uploaded it to youtube and was comforted with all kinds of wonderful advice.
This was years ago, today we all have someone to talk too.
Buck Black is an LCSW therapist who specializes in helping truckers and their families with anger and stress management, as well as depression and relationship problems. He does this over the phone, and Skype (webcam) at http://www.TruckerTherapy.com so truckers can make a living while, instead of taking time off work for office visits. Buck’s services are not just limited to the trucking community. He frequently sees couples and families in his office who are looking to improve themselves in various ways.
I have asked Buck if he could share a couple of tips that could help many men and women out here on the road, he gladly accepted.
Tips for improving your mood while on the road
Mile after mile can get very boring…and depressing! If you think about it, truckers have the ideal conditions for depression—isolation from much of the world, usually lack of exercise, difficulty getting healthy food, and little contact with family. All of these factors will wear on anyone unless there is a focus on keeping yourself positive.
1. Keep focused on the positive.
- All of that time to dwell on the negatives can really catch up with you. Turn off those news and political shows on your satellite radio. There is enough negativity out there and purposely tuning into it will only make it worse. Focus on positive music, or better yet, comedies and anything else that might make you laugh!
- Remember, if you are focused on something positive, it is much harder to think about the problems related to the job or how much you miss your family.
2. Eating better foods.
- I don’t mean to preach about food. I know it seems as though almost everyone criticizes truckers and their diet. This is just a reminder the more fast food and sugary foods you eat, the worse you will feel. There truly is a connection. Steer away from those hamburgers and fries and try more chicken, salads, and healthy subs. See what happens. I bet you will notice yourself feeling better. Choosing healthy food can still be quick and easy.
3. Exercise.
- The more you move, the better you feel. It’s just how the body works. You don’t necessarily have to work out at a gym in order to get some exercise. When you park, walk a few laps around your truck or park as far away from the building you are going to. Remember, you can always pump a little iron while you are in the truck. I know some drivers have a dumbbell they use to do a few reps while in their truck. Again, you don’t have to do a full exercise program. Just move a little more and it will lift your spirits.
4. Keeping in touch with friends and family
- Communication with the outside world is very important. Remember…because you are a trucker, you are automatically involved in long distance relationships. You have a long distance relationship with your spouse, friends, family, and so on. When discussing serious subjects, especially with your partner, use phone (or webcam, if possible) in order to help with accurate communication. Your tone of voice can often make a world’s difference in regards to working problems out or causing new ones! Don’t rely on texts and email too much. The written word can sometimes get you into trouble.
5. Find something you enjoy.
- Everyone needs something to look forward to. It is very easy to get in the dull routine of driving mile after mile for no particular reason. You just see those little green mile markers creeping past. I want you to think about how each mile marker represents another step closer to your goal. What goal? Well…it’s whatever goal you choose! Maybe each of those green posts represent the sooner you get home or the sooner you make enough money to get that new laptop you’ve always wanted.
- It’s also important to find something fun to do while you are on the road. What hobbies can you do? Maybe something related to blogging, photography, surfing the web, or whatever floats your boat.
I hope these tips will help life’s ride be a little smoother. Don’t be afraid to try some new things and throw out those that don’t work. Remember, you are in control of your life and your happiness. No one else can make you happy, mad, or anything else for that matter.
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- Don’t be a cunt!
- Running across America to help truckers.
- Long and short haul trucking careers
- The Truth about trucking-Eskimo Sean
- Long haul serial killers
Category: Truckers health, Truckers on politics, Trucking in general
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correct han…hmmm people nowadays
hey steve i added you on youtube… nice to see some characters on the road! im going to make a video/pic collage of the trucking lifestyle from absolutely day number one so everyone thats thinking about choosing this lifestyle they know what they could be getting into or what could happen.. im not even going to start on the whole arrow trucking b/s…
I feel you man, after 5 years my girl tells me it’s over a day after I leave the house for another tour on the road
Crazy that you mention that . On “the blind spot” talk show that i run. We talked about this subject tonight and how to deal with the pain.. You can download it link is on my website or youtube channel page.. Take it easy brother.
dam sorry to hear that shit dude my marrage lasted 7 years while i was driving take care man keep ur head up
i have worked in truckin years companys been around truckers years.live with one man i lived with did yreras ago they foung him dead in his truck in kingsport tennessee,yhe i married this man years older than me hes also a truck driver comes home amybe a year im not a very healthy person but he has to work to pay the insurence so i can get the sare i need ,this doest feel like a marriage any more we very seldom talk.sometimes i dont think he gives a dam how i am or doing.truck drivers are lonley to but there wifes are too.my medical condition keeps me fro driving or riding with him i live in tennessee he works in fargo hauling wind towers and generators and the blades for this co up there .any other wife has this problem left so alone and i feel abandoned.hes never aroud any more nd drs told me this past week i cant live by myself any more cant take care of myself like i should.he cant help me…
Wow.. Same here, Tho i have met a really nice lady since and things are working out great. Maybe for the best, eh?
GOOD FOR YOU STEVE. ITS NOT OVER BROTHER. GOD BLESS
sorry for you brother,but your childrens,endure so much pain
i realy sory.
sorry to hear that man!!this job is an love killer!! to be two weeks away from home -not every woman can handle it!!my girl also try to handle but its hard for bouth of us!!keep on trucking man-stay free!!
YES they do, it is truly sad.
It sure is hard for both sides. I still battle with this feeling every day my new girl friend lives in CANADA and i have not seen her in months almost 3 actually.
Hey Bro this one made the tears come too. Keep trucking brother. its tough…
holly shit dude
That is what i am saying!!!
Keep your head up brother. Thanks for watching.
I know exactly how you feel. Take care my brother.
Hey Trucker, I just happened back across this one, remember that advice I gave ya when ya made this one, ironically enough I ended up making mine shortly after Just thought I’d throw up my vid with yours TTYL Jeff
Hey there my brother, yeah it is ironic how life tosses out its curve balls. But, i remind myself every day with your advice. Take care my brother.
Oh Brother , i know that ! Thats sad ! The Problem on the Road is , its to much time to thinking ! I lost my Wife on a damed Biker , i cant do nothing ! I need weeks and a lot of Tears to fight this Shadow in my Mind ! After three Years cames sometimes this bad Shadow on my Mind again ! But the Time will heal the Wounds Brother ! I feel with you ! Take care !! McKanzie
Yeah, your right i am healing up fine now. It still can hurt at times. Luckily for me she is a pain in my neck still, that eases up the pain a bit! Take care of yourself.Steve
HANG IN STEVE. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE AND NEVER LOSS YOUR FAITH. IVE BEEN THROUGH THE SAME THING. USE THE TALENT GOD HAS GIVEN YOU TO PROVIDE A GOOD LIFE FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR SON. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF ALSO; SO YOULL BE HERE TO WATCH YOUR SON GROW UP TO A GOOD MAN. YOUR FRIEND ZIP SCHAEFFER.
im sorry trucker steve it’s extremely painful. i know that because the only woman i fell in love with left me. it was her fault and i know that. it’s been maybe i think 8 months now and i still feel like i did that terrible day when she told me she didnt love me anymore.
she was my everything. my trophy and i loved her like i never loved anyone before. to all people, true love does exist because i know what it feels like. it’s a very precious thing that words CANT describe….
there is wayyyyyy to much fighting in this world and not enough love going around. im talking about in couples. people dont fucking understand that time is more important spending it in the right lane than in the WRONG one !!!!
hey steve!!! She wont talk it out with you???? because mine wont but im not going to let her make that mistake no matter what !!! no matter what.
hey steve check out this other song. it’s by Sonata Arctica – Tallulah…. it’s a pretty sad song but im some cases it really does fit. and it’s a GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT SONG !!!!!!!!!
Steve, I traded my wife of 10 years in on a truck in 2000. I hit rock bottom by spring of 01. I must say that as much of a swine that it makes me, Banging 3 married chicks in the first year gave me some sense of “get even”. You know tho,sometimes your the cock,and sometimes your the knapkin. I absolutely assure you that you WILL come out on top, it just takes time. Get off the road for a year or so and distract yourself with some dumpbucket local work.
After the bullshit is over you will have a NEW “love for the road” as well as your indepedence. I can tell you man right now you soooooooooo need that destraction in your life. NEW shit to keep your mind healthy. Challenge yourself bra, It’s worth it in the end. No matter what,,,,,Keep laffin at the dumb shit!!!! (PEACE)!!
Bangin 3 married chicks is not the answer. I’ve lost 2 wives and a few girlfriends to the road. And the ONLY thing that has kept me going is my FAITH in God. Yeah, it hurts at times, but God is always right there by my side. Ask him to help you and just watch what happens. You will feel a lot better.
Hey man..i can definitely relate to this story.
that is why i loaded janet up with me when i started trucking..
Just watched a couple of the videos that you’ve got on this page…although I’m single I understand it always hurt to say “we’ll see you later” on your way back out. I’m sorry that things haven’t worked out with you an your wife. I can also understand about being depressed, an that I’m really feeling of late…see I’ve been unemployed an everyone tells me to keep my head up, but at the same time they tell me to find something else. How can you? When you’ve gotten bit by the bug, an all you want to is get back out on the road, an hang with people who understand you, cause they are in the same boat that your in…They are Truck Driver’s…Solo an Teams…an we all understand the pull an tugg’in on one’s heart, the call of the road…I’ll say a few extra prayer’s for you, add you to the list of one’s that I already pray for (an I include me in that list)…My His Angels surround you an keep you in His peace!!
great article man thanks for the post
Hey guys – As far as hobbies on the road I know not everyone wants to podcast or blog/do videos, as a non trucker I was was thinking of what would I do on the road to kill time & keep the brain going & I thought about model building. Does anyone out there build models while on the road? There are cars/planes/etc. hey even truck models! Keep to the smal scale varieties & you could have a lot of fun, obviously youre not going to build a 7′ wingspan sailplane while on the road but either plastic/wooden models or small scale RC planes would be cool & you could fly em on your off time. Thoughts?
Trucker Steve -Broken
Hi Steve, Jan sent me the link to this article. I understand and identify with your article and am so glad you found Buck. We are thrilled he is working with us at RoadPro. thanks for this article and be safe out there.
Donna aka Momma Donna
@ZoeToots naaa…I say he is fixed by now!!
Dude the road can break a Man… I recall the wife tell me she was packing and leaving with the Kids.. No Clue it was coming and hell I was 2700 Miles from home.. It Worked out so all is cool.. But when you tail is sitting on 80,000 Lbs and Your Minds Sitting on A Life of problems it can make one end up…UpSide Down… Thank God after 11 Years I made a Break and got off the road…
hey at least you guys have someone. i have been single out on this road for so long i am thinking about marrying my dog, she’s 4 lbs and low maintance. good luck steve and the rest of you boys, and the dude up there packing in all the married women, are they married to your fellow truckers, just wondering. i havent been in any sex position in 2 1/2 years. said i wasnt going to until i find someone worth being in a relationship with, hell i may be dust to dust before that happpens, lol.
lacey o/o southeast regional
Awesome song– awesome sentiments- and great helpful links.
keep the good stuff coming
these bitches will break ur heart steve – keep on truckin bro, i’ve had girl troubles as well and it’s almost dangerous to think about that shit on the road, but as u prob kno there is a positive side to this shit too, my best advice is just to remember how miserable u were at times, dont kid urself that everything was great (not that i kno, just assuming) fuck em, chase that dollar, and remember ur fuckin nice in that rig – good luck bro
your old lady was hot.
@outlawBill22 Thanks brother. My new one is much hotter!
trucker steve this video is great even tho its an older video i can relate to it. me and my wife separated two months ago today and i feel lost out here on this big open highway
Absolutely the best Video of the Century “Broken” Very HEAVY HITTING
We have all been there man.
Man this is some great stuff!
I come from a family of truckers. I grew up just as you did steve watchin my mother cry herself to sleep as my dad left to go over the road again. I vowed at a young age I was not going to put myself through that nor would I put my kids through that and have them have an absent father. Needless to say as the saying goes a girl will grow up to marry someone like her father. And yes a married a truck driver, and I stand by my man a 100 percent and we have 3 kids. He is lucky enough to come home every sat afternoon and leaves in the eary morning hours mon. So we are fornuate to get to see him on a weekly basis. And on rare opportunities I get a chance to go with him and because slammin gears is in my blood I too drive and I love to be able to give him the opportunity to take a break and get some rest when I go with him and I try to do most of the driving.
just like trucken you will pull threw
Sorry to read the bad news Steve ,I to am separated now going through a divorce , It happened on 24 Jan 09 day b4 my 49th birthday , felt the world falling in on me then but with new partner now and still the world is falling in as she dose not want me on the road no-more ,Hence not many of trucking vids from me ,But i want to get rid so i can do what i do best and that is TRUCKING plus i rely want to get back over to Canada or the US of A As that were i felt at easy Trucking ,
poor steve
same here
HEY I FEEL FOR YOU STEVE! IVE BEEN THROUGH DIVORCE AND ABANNDANED AFTER 16 YEARS. I DROVE FOR 6 WEEKS OUT TRAINING, KNOWING THAT LONELY FEELING. THANK GOD I HAVE MY FAITH IN THE LORD, AND WAS ABLE TO START OVER AGAIN. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE STEVE! I PRAY THAT GOD WILL HEAL YOUR HEART AND GIVE YOU A SINCE OF PEACE; SO YOU CAN CONTINUE TO PROVIDE FOR YOUR FAMILY. YOUR SON, LIKE MY SON , I ONLY HAVE ONE AND MISS HIM. MY FAMILY HAS SEEN ALOT OF LOSS ALSO. IM IN THE PROCESS OF DECIDING WEATHER TO GET TRAINED AGAIN AND DRIVE TRUCK. THERES FEARS ABOUT DRIVING OF COURSE; BUT IM POSITIVE ABOUT IT ALSO. ANYWAY GOD BLESS YOU STEVE; I LOVE YOUR TRAVEL VIDEOS, IT TOUCHES MY HEART DEEPLY. YOUR FRIEND ZIP SCHAEFFER
HANG IN BRO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF LIKE I SAID ON THE PHONE. GOD BLESS.